


Fuck Away The Pain (Phan)

by Misha_with_wings



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Biting, Blowjobs, Bottom!Dan, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Detailed smut, Dirty Talk, Ending is cute, Fluff, Fucking, Hair Pulling, Kissing, Love Bites, Love Confession, M/M, Making Out, Moaning, Phan - Freeform, Rough Sex, Scratching, Sex, Smut, ending is kinda sappy, past mentally abusive relationship, phils ex is a manipulative asshole, top!phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 06:10:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20421209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misha_with_wings/pseuds/Misha_with_wings
Summary: Phil’s boyfriend cheats on him leaving him a mix of sad, angry, and a million other unidentified emotions.Luckily Dan was always there for him.———“Don’t have to be ashamed if you wanna scream my name while I fuck away the pain”





	Fuck Away The Pain (Phan)

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS!!  
-mentions of mentally abusive relationship   
-Phil’s ex is not a nice guy and is a manipulative asshole 
> 
> If this will trigger you don’t read it!!! Stay safe!
> 
> —————
> 
> this is based heavily on the song “fuck away the pain” by divide the day!! I highly reccomend listening to it before reading this so you understand why I wrote this filth haha

Dan had no clue what was about to unfold. He thought he was just going to watch some anime and chill for the night since Phil was out with his boyfriend. 

Boyfriend. Dan rolls his eyes at the thought. 

In Dan’s opinion, Phil’s boyfriend is complete and utter garbage. He doesn’t treat Phil the best and manipulates him in every way possible and Dan hates it. 

Whenever Dan would try and talk to Phil about it Phil would pretend to have no idea what Dan is talking about. Phil would always cover up for his boyfriend, saying that rude remark was an accident or saying it was okay that his boyfriend was ditching him at random times for the strangest reasons. 

Phil treated his boyfriend amazingly even though he was nothing but a parasite, there to suck the life out of Phil and break him down to nothing. 

Dan hates that he can’t stop it, Phil would always claim, “I’m a big boy Dan, I can handle myself.” 

Dan hates that Phil doesn’t know real love, even though he thinks he does. Phil really thinks his boyfriend loves him. 

Because love is apparently “I hate that shirt go change” or “I don’t wanna be seen in public with you” or “You should be happy I love you” 

Dan was pissed, honestly he’d probably knock the asshole out in one punch if he had the chance. But he didn’t want to upset Phil, because he loves Phil.

So he decided he’s just going to be there for Phil when everything crashes, he knows this relationship can’t possibly last much longer. Phil was starting to stand up for himself and get ticked off at his boyfriend, Dan knew it was only a matter of time before Phil dumped him. 

And Dan didn’t want to seem conceited or anything but he knows he’d be the best boyfriend Phil could ever have, and when he gets that chance he’s taking it. He isn’t hiding his little crush (or crippling feelings of love) anymore, he’s learned his lesson. 

He’s an adult, if he wants something he can’t shy away from it. He has to go in full force. 

So he blocks thoughts of Phil’s asshole boyfriend out of his mind in favor of watching an anime episode. Phil would be back later and Dan would try and carefully talk to him about his relationship again, as he did every time. 

.....

Dan didn’t expect Phil to be back in an hour, expecting it to be well past midnight when he got home. 

Dan looks at Phil in the doorway. 

Phil was all teary-eyes and shaking hands. Other than that he looked strangely calm, the only thing that said otherwise was the raging emotion in his eyes. 

Something happened, Dan had no clue what it was. 

“Phil?” Dan pauses the television, standing up from the sofa. 

Phil swallows thickly, a shuddery breath leaving him. One of his shaking hands came up to wipe away a single tear that had managed to escape. 

Dan couldn’t tell what emotion Phil was feeling. Was it rage? Sadness? Both?

Dan looked concerned beyond belief, “What happened?”

Phil opened his mouth to speak but no words could come out, like he was in a weird state of shock and was trying to snap himself out of it and couldn’t. 

“Did he do anything to you?” Dan asks, sounding more serious than he’s ever been. He didn’t condone violence but he’s ready to go beat some ass if the answer is yes. 

Phil shrugs, he swallows thickly again. Like the lump in his throat just wouldn’t go away. 

“That depends on your definition of anything.” 

Dan felt a flower of rage bloom inside of his chest before it exploded and filled his whole body, “Phil.” He says in a tone that means ‘tell me’.

Phil laughs emotionlessly, seeming to think or remember something. “I wish I would’ve listened to you.” 

“Phil.” Dan says again, using the same tone. He takes another step forward but he remains cautious. 

“I really don’t wanna talk about it right now.” Phils mood seemed to shift, he looked like anger in its purest form, “But he cheated on me, I just walked in and caught him pinning some twink to his couch.” 

“I’m so sorry Phil.” Dan says, he was glad that the relationship was over but upset that Phil was hurt, “He’s such a-“

“Don’t.” Phil breathes, “Not right now.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“No it’s- shit.” Phil sighs, “I’m just so mad, I’m so fucking pissed off that I let some asshole dickwad use me I’m-“ 

“Phil-“

“I should’ve listened to you.” Phil looks at Dan, meeting his eyes. 

Phil looked like he had a lot on his mind. 

“Don’t get upset over him, he’s not worth it Phil.” Dan says, a sad look in his eye. He was still trying to read Phil’s emotions and body language, but even as well as Dan knows Phil, he couldn’t. Phil was a complete mystery right now. 

“I know that now.” Phil scoffs at himself, he walks closer to Dan, the mood in the room changing once again. “It still fucking hurts though- fuck.” The tears in Phil’s eyes had yet to leave. 

Phil was suddenly so close to him, Dan gulps, “It’s okay, you’re aloud to feel hurt.” Dan was stumbling over his own words, why was Phil so close. 

“I’m so pissed too. I don’t know what to do and I can’t stop thinking about it and what he said to me.” Phil rests his hands on Dan’s shoulders, making Dan even more confused. 

Dan knew it wasn’t the time to ask what was said between Phil and his now ex boyfriend, “Maybe you just need a distraction...” Dan’s voice sounded higher than intended, and what the hell did that even mean. 

What could that sentence possibly mean other than-

Phil’s forehead was suddenly pressed to his, his eyes closed tightly. A few tears still roll down his face, “Yeah... I-I need-“ he gulps, unable to finish speaking. 

Dan was wide eyed and confused. His heart was hammering in his chest, Phil’s mouth seemed to move closer to his and breathing was no longer a thing Dan could do. 

Fuck, is this okay? Dan asks himself.

He wanted this so bad- if that’s even what was happening- but Phil is vulnerable and upset. Where should Dan draw the line? Is there even a line with them?

Maybe Dan should just let Phil do what he needs, he was more than fine with it as long as Phil was too. 

“You-“ Dan gulps, “You need what...” His voice was soft and unsure. 

“I need you.” Phil leans in even closer, cracking his eyes open just enough to see Dan’s wide eyed frozen stare. Just a centimeter more and their lips could be touching. 

Dan felt the craving for it flow through him, but he didn’t dare move.

Dan’s next words surprised even himself, but he didn’t regret them one bit, “Then you can have me.” Sure his voice was shaky and weak but he still meant every word. 

A low growl leaves Phil’s throat before than centimeter of space was gone, he kissed Dan with all of the emotion in his body letting every bad feeling go as he drowned in the good ones. 

Dan’s mouth molded perfectly against Phil’s, a soft sigh leaving him as he fell into the pit of longing and craving and all over desire. 

Fuck this felt so good and it was just a kiss, Dan thinks. 

Dan grips Phil’s sides beneath his t-shirt, letting his nails dig into Phil’s soft skin as he was pulled closer. 

Dan didn’t mean to let out the shocked noise he did when Phil pushed his tongue into his mouth. 

It seemed to edge Phil on more and he tangled his tongue with Dan’s and let one of his hands trail up to his hair, tangling his fingers in the soft curls and pulling harshly. 

A weird mix of a pained gasp and a pleasured moan left Dan’s lips as they were pulled away from Phil’s.

Dan felt so out of it already and he was still fully clothed. If this was the affect Phil had on him then he’s pissed at himself that he hasn’t done anything sooner. 

Phil’s other hand runs down the curve of Dan’s spine, slowly spreading over his ass before squeezing making Dan jump. 

God what’s gotten into Phil, another thought sounded in Dan’s head. 

Phil presses a rough kiss to Dan’s parted lips, nipping at his bottom lip as he pulls away. 

Dan groans softly at all of the sensations he was feeling, Phil’s already ignited all of his senses. 

“You okay with this?” Phil asks.

“Yes.” Dan breathes out, hoping the one worded consent was enough for Phil to just keep going and touch him. 

Phil roughly kisses Dan again, pulling him out of the room before their lips can even break apart. 

Dan let’s himself be dragged into Phil’s room.

The second the door slams, Phil is all over him, hands wandering his body like they’re lost and searching for something. 

Dan takes it upon himself to kiss Phil this time, surprising Phil slightly. Phil instantly melts against him though as they fall into each other and lick into each other’s mouths like it’s all they could do. 

Phil pulls away to breathe and his hands grip the hem of Dan’s shirt as he kisses his neck, “Can this come off?” 

Dan was already pulling the shirt over his head before clawing at the fabric on Phil’s shoulders, a whine leaving his throat. 

When did he get so god damned needy? Damn Phil. He thinks. 

Phil smirks, “Remove it.” He shrugs, stepping back just the tiniest bit. 

Dan grabs Phil’s shirt in his fists and yanks it off of him, messing up his hair.

Dan couldn’t even think a coherent thought, but he didn’t want to do anything Phil would regret later. 

“Are you sure this is what you need?” Dan asks as he reaches out to touch Phil’s bare chest, Phil’s hands were warm against his sides. 

“Yes.” Phil replies in an instant, “Just make me forget everything for a little while, please.” Phil says, a sliver of emotion slipping through. 

Dan nods, “Okay.” He presses his chest to Phil’s as he leans in to kiss his neck, “I’ll make you forget all about the pain.” He sinks his teeth into the sensitive skin beneath Phil’s ear and Phil almost falls to the ground as he gasps. 

Dan loses control as he licks and sucks bruises into Phil’s pale skin. His glorious, warm, pale skin that Dan has wanted to touch for so so long. 

Phil’s hands move to shakily mess with the zipper on Dan’s jeans, Dan sinks his teeth into Phil’s shoulder and groans when he feels Phil’s hands brush against his dick. 

Dan presses opened mouth kisses to Phil’s neck and collarbones, breathing heavy against his skin as Phil’s hands push his jeans down. 

Dan kicks them off and to the side, his skin felt hot all over and Phil was just so eager to touch him. 

Phil feels his belt being pulled from the loops in his jeans as Dan kisses his jaw. Dan moves back to look him in the eyes, crashing his lips back to Phil’s as he unbuttons his jeans. 

Once Phil’s jeans were on the floor, Dan was pulling away from the heated kiss. He had this look in his eye that made Phil gulp. 

Dan holds eye contact with Phil as he slowly sinks to his knees, his hands worshipping every bit of Phil’s body they could touch as they moved down. 

Dan could see Phil’s pupils dilate, his eyes becoming even more dark. Dan presses his lips to the warm skin right below Phil’s bellybutton before moving over and nipping at his hipbone. 

Phil tangles one of his hands in Dan’s hair, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth as he stares at Dan with hooded eyes and anticipation. 

Dan curls his fingertips around the elastic waistband and looks up at Phil, pressing his lips to the thin fabric, “Can I?” 

Phil instantly nods, not even needing to think about it, “Fuck, Dan... please do.” He breathes. 

Dan swallows thickly, watching more skin be exposed as he pulls the waistband down just the slightest bit. 

All the images he’s had in his head of what Phil’s dick could look like suddenly came back to him, all of them were in his head from guiltily masturbating at 3am but now this was real. Phil was actually here and they were really doing this and Dan’s mind was nothing but a puddle at this point.

Dan pulls Phil’s boxers down his lanky legs, keeping his eyes closed until they were off and on the floor. 

He opens his eyes and instantly feels a pang of arousal shoot him in the abdomen, his dick literally twitches in his boxers. 

He grips the base of Phil’s cock, seeing the muscles in Phil’s stomach clench from the contact. 

God, he knew Phil radiated big dick energy but wow. He shakes himself out of his thoughts and lets the horny control him once again. 

Dan leans in and presses his warm lips to the base of Phil’s cock, nosing at it as he looks up at Phil through his eyelashes, he trails his tongue along Phil’s hipbone. 

“Can I suck you off?” Dan asks, surprising himself at how clear and confident that sounded. 

Phil groans and tightens his hand in Dan’s hair, pulling him so his mouth was closer to his cock, “Yes... just- yes-“ Phil was practically panting. 

Dan licks the tip of Phil’s cock, watching it twitch. God why was that so glorious to see? He does it again just because he can. 

“Fucking hell-“ Phil pulls on Dan’s hair harder, “Stop teasing or-“

“Or what?” Dan smirks before wrapping his lips loosely around the head of Phil’s cock. He sucks for a second before pulling off with a pop noise that makes Phil gasp. 

“Or I’m going to make you unable to walk tomorrow.” Phil growls. 

“Ooo, you promise?” Dan asks with a giggle making Phil seemingly stare into his soul. 

Dan takes Phil’s cock in his mouth again, this time deciding to fully showcase his skills by sinking down all the way. Making it seem almost effortless. 

Because if Dan Howell is good at anything, it’s taking dick. 

Phil’s cock hits the back of his throat and he pushes onto it more, letting himself practically suffocate because he loved being unable to breathe in this situation. 

He swallows around Phil’s cock before pulling off, adding as much suction as possible. He instantly sinks back down again before bobbing his mouth along the length of Phil’s cock. 

“Oh my god-“ Phil gasps, “Why didn’t you tell me you’re good at this?”

“You didn’t ask.” Dan says out of breath, letting his hand work Phil’s cock, “Plus isn’t just showing you better than telling you?”

“How about you show me more?” 

Dan rolls his eyes but sinks down on Phil’s cock again, letting his tongue tease the vein that ran on the underside of it. God Phil’s cock was addicting. 

Phil guides Dan’s head up and down on his cock but he ends up practically fucking Dan’s mouth and Dan could get off on just this if he allowed himself too. 

Dan grips Phil’s hips before pushing himself against Phil’s hand. Phil lets Dan pull off, removing his hand from his curly hair. 

Dan stands back up with shaky knees before grabbing the back of Phil’s neck and hauling him in for a kiss. 

Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist and spins him around, shoving him backwards into the bed. 

Dan’s body bounces back on the mattress and he looks up at Phil hungrily, god Phil was absolutely fucking beautiful and he was so damn addicting. 

Dan pushes himself up to his elbows only to be forced back down by a hand on his chest, he stayed flat on his back as Phil leaned in to bite his neck. 

Phil slides his hand beneath the waistband of Dan’s boxers before squeezing the base of his cock, Dan all but yelps in surprise before squirming around to try and get more contact. 

“Please- please Phil please.” Dan mumbles, feeling too far gone when he still had farther to go. 

Phil hums against Dan’s skin, pulling his hand away from where Dan wanted it to be, “What do you want?”

Phil stares Dan down, Dan felt himself shrinking beneath Phil’s hungry gaze, “Fuck me.” 

Phil’s eyes got slightly wide before he shook the shocked feeling away and went back to his previous role. 

“Want me to fuck you huh?” Phil gives Dan a sloppy opened mouth kiss that has Dan’s insides stirring with want. 

“Please.” Dan breathes, “I want you so bad.” 

“God baby, I want you too.” Phil pulls Dan’s boxers off his legs, seeing just how hard he was when his cock literally slapped his stomach. 

“Then take me.” Dan says, “Just fuck me, use me to forget life for a while. Please I just want you to use me to fuck the pain away.” 

The thought of putting all his emotions into fucking Dan was the best thing he could think of, this was shaping up to be the best fuck of his life if that’s the case. 

Phil pushes Dan’s legs up to bend at the knees before spreading them and leaning over him again, “I’m gonna fuck you so hard Dan.” 

Dan’s jaw almost dropped and he literally shivered, nothing but a whine came out of him before Phil roughly kissed him again. 

Phil grips Dan’s jaw hard enough it could bruise and Dan was living for it, he wanted Phil to grip him hard but fuck him even harder. 

Dan digs his nails into Phil’s shoulder blades and drags them down his back, loving the way Phil shudders and hisses into his mouth. 

Phil sinks his teeth into Dan’s bottom lip, making a delicious amount of pain course through Dan.

“I’m gonna wreck you.” Phil lets his thumb run across Dan’s lip to ease the ache before pulling away from him completely and digging for the lube in his bedside drawer. 

“Please do.” Dan says softly, trying to keep his hands from trailing down to his dick. He was so hard it hurt and he already knows when he eventually comes he’s going to come hard.

Phil wastes no time coating three of his fingers in lube and pushing two of them into Dan at once. 

“Ah- fuck!” Dan yelps, letting his head fall back against the bed. Having someone else’s hands do this worked so much better than his own. 

Phil scissors his fingers fast and hard before adding a third, Dan was a moaning babbling mess already and Phil loved that he was like putty in his hands. 

“You like this Dan?” Phil asks in a low voice, “You like being finger fucked like a little whore?” 

Dan felt his stomach tighten in pleasure and a loud whiny moan left his throat, “Phil... oh my god-“

Phil bites at Dan’s inner thigh, working Dan up even more, “Fuck you’re so hot.” 

Dan’s eyes close as he relishes in that comment, Phil thinking he is attractive is quite possibly the best thing he’s heard all day. 

“I can’t wait to fuck you, I want you so bad. You look beautiful all laid out for me, ready to be pounded into the mattress like a good boy.” 

Dan groans and grips the sheets as Phil’s fingers almost hit his prostate, he tries to wriggle his hips but Phil pulls his fingers out. 

He kisses Dan’s tummy and up his chest to his collarbones and neck, “I’m gonna devour you.” 

Just the gravelly tone of Phil’s voice was making everything within Dan go wild, “My god Phil please just get inside of me-“ Dan squeezes the sheets in his fists. 

Dan watches as Phil quickly grabs a condom from his bedside drawer and rips the foil open with his teeth. Mere seconds later he was coating his cock in lube and leaning over Dan once again.

“You sure?” Phil breaks his role again just to give Dan one last chance to back out if he wasn’t sure. 

“Very sure.” Dan sighs, he felt like this was a dream. A very amazing good-feeling dream. 

Phil pushes Dan’s legs up a bit more before guiding his cock into Dan, pushing in just the tiniest bit. Dan’s jaw goes slack and a strangled whine leaves his throat. 

Phil teases Dan for a moment, pushing in the tiniest bit before pulling away and doing it again. 

“Phil please...” Dan begs, “I want you to fuck me, just please stick your cock in me already- oh-“ 

Phil shoves in and Dan’s whole body freezes for a second. 

The stretch was almost painful but it was so fucking good Dan didn’t want this to ever stop. 

Phil pulls back before thrusting in again forcefully.

Dan couldn’t wrap his mind around the thought that Phil- his best friend- was actually inside of him. What glitch in the simulation led to this? Whatever glitch it was Dan wanted to thank it even if it wasn’t sentient. 

Dan let’s go of the sheets in favor of gripping on to Phil instead, Phil was slowly snapping his hips in and out of Dan, just enough to work him up. 

Dan was unable to hold still and he just wanted Phil to let everything out on him, “Fuck me like you mean it- ah fuck!” 

Phil fucks into Dan harshly, channeling his inner pain and rage and letting it out in the form of fucking Dan at a pace that was almost malicious. 

This felt so good Dan couldn’t breathe and every time he managed to catch a breath he’d scream it back out again, Phil was so good and he knew how to work his ‘equipment’ very well. 

“So good-“ Dan says, clawing at Phil’s bare skin.

Images of his boyfriend fucking the other guy flooded Phil’s head and he wanted it to go away. He needed it to get the fuck away. 

He audibly growls as he puts his whole body into fucking Dan, making Dan scream and beg and even cry a little. 

“Fuckfuckfuck-“ Dan was choking on air and he didn’t care, this was his own personal heaven. Phil was fucking pounding him like it’s all he’d ever wanted. 

“You feel so fucking good.” Phil groans, ducking his head to sink his teeth harshly into Dan’s shoulder. He can feel Dan’s racing pulse as he kisses his neck. 

Dan kisses Phil the second he gets a chance, panting heavily into his mouth as he tries to make his lips work against Phil’s. 

Phil was fucking him so hard it hurt and tears were slipping from his eyes but he didn’t ever want it to stop, “Keep going- please don’t stop don’t stop...” Dan babbles. 

The deep noises Phil made were heavenly and made Dan go crazy, all of these sensations were mixing and making him feel almost lightheaded and weightless. 

Phil looked glorious as Dan watched him, he was covered in a sheen of sweat and several hickeys littered his neck, collarbones, and chest. Dan felt like he wanted Phil to swallow him whole to be honest. 

“Oh god jesus- fuck!” Dan screams when Phil directly nails his prostate without warning. Dan felt his whole body shake with pleasure, it was too much but he wanted so much more. “More- fucking fuck me more-“ 

Phil thought about all the things his boyfriend did, all the things he said to put him down, all the times he went away to probably cheat- and god being with Dan right now was so much better than any single second he had ever spent with that asshole. 

Phil stated Dan directly in the eyes as he went harder, it seemed almost impossible to go any faster but he was doing it and Dan was a mess beneath him in the most glorious way. 

Dan seemed to space out from reality several times and Phil felt so much pride that it was him making Dan feel like this. 

“Harder fuck-“ Dan’s eyes roll back in his head and his back arches as Phil hits that sweet spot once again, “Right there- oh my god right there-“ 

Phil loved Dan’s babbles and moans and pleads for more, it was the hottest thing he’d ever witnessed and this could make anyone forget any pain they’d experienced because ex boyfriend who? Phil could only think about this curly haired beauty beneath him. 

“Fuck me right the-ere!” Dan’s words were broken up by thrusts of Phil’s hips and tears of pleasure spilled down his red tinted flushed face. 

Dan’s nails digging into him and breaking skin felt amazing and added to his over all pleasure and Phil would let Dan actually rip him apart as long as he kept moaning like this. 

Dan was choking on his own moans as Phil pounded into him, hitting his sweet spot with every thrust of his hips. 

“Fuck me harder- harde- oh-“ Dan didn’t even know what he was asking for by yelling harder at this point, if Phil went any harder he’d probably black out from sheer pleasure, “You feel so go-od... oh god-“ 

Dan knew he’d curse himself later for moaning like a whore but right now he couldn’t even be the slightest bit bothered to care because it actually felt that fucking good. 

Dan felt his whole body succumb to numbness, the only thing he could feel was Phil’s cock torturing his prostate- and fuck, that’s all he ever wanted to feel. Nothing could feel better than this. 

“You gonna come baby?” Phil asks, deep groans and the sexiest moans Dan has ever heard kept leaving his lips.

“Mmm-“ Dan hums, “I’m so close-“

“Gonna come for me?” Phil asks, unable to keep his own breathing steady. Phil felt like he could explode from all the feelings piling up in his body. 

Dan wasn’t the only one that had wanted the other for so long. Little does he know that was a reciprocated want. 

Dan feels all the feeling come back to him at once, all of his nerves came alive and he sucks in a sharp gasp as he screams all of the air out of his lungs, “Fuck fuck fuck oh my- I’m coming- fuck!” His whole body trembles with the best orgasm he’s ever had and Phil just keeps roughly fucking him through it and it was all so glorious Dan couldn’t remember how to breathe. 

It wasn’t long before Phil let out the sexiest moan noise Dan has ever heard before coming, he pushes his hips flush against Dan’s ass and his head falls back. 

Both of them were left in a sweaty tangled up mess, heavy breathing echoed loudly in the room. 

Phil pulls out before collapsing next to Dan, not a single bit of energy left in his body. 

“Fuck.” Dan breathes, his voice sounded weak. 

“I second that.” Phil replies, trying to keep the mood from getting awkward. 

“No you did that. And you did that very well I might add.” Dan swallows thickly, his throat felt numb but it also felt like he swallowed concrete. 

“Are you okay?”

Dan almost laughs, “You dicked me down, and you dicked me down good. Very very good.” Dan replies, “I think I almost blacked out- But I’m amazing.” 

Phil rolls his eyes, “I’ve just never been that rough before.” 

“Well that was an honor to receive then.” 

It falls silent for a minute, both of them trying to catch their breaths. 

“I really needed that.” Phil says, staring at the ceiling. 

“Me too.” Dan says, staring at the same ceiling. 

Phil’s ringtone suddenly sounds loudly throughout the room, making both of them jump slightly. Phil barely puts any effort into grabbing his jeans from the floor, not moving from the bed as he does so. He gets his phone from the pocket, he immediately has this look on his face. 

It’s a look of guilt, sadness, anger, and a splash of fear. 

Dan knows. 

“It’s him.” Phil says, nervously chewing on his bottom lip. 

“Don’t answer it.” Dan leans himself up on one elbow, “Phil just ignore him.” 

“No I’m answering it.” Phil says, sounding angry- but not at Dan. 

Phil flops back down beside Dan as he answers the call and puts it on speaker, signaling for Dan to stay quiet and Dan nods in agreement. 

“What do you want?” Phil asks angrily. 

“Why are you being such an ass? I fucked one person now you’re ignoring me?!” 

Phil audibly laughs, “You’re a dick. You cheated on me and you think that’s okay?! News flash it’s not.”

“So what?”

Phil shares a quick glance with Dan, “I fucked Dan.” He says, not a bit of regret in his tone. 

“You fucking what?!” 

“You heard me.” 

“So you cheated on me too?!” He sounded pissed, “I knew you were fucking him! God damn it-“

“So what?” Phil mocks him. 

“Get your ass over here so we can talk. Please Phil.” 

“Hmmm... nah.” Phil says, “I can say all I need to say from here. And I’m sick of you using me and walking all over me. I’m sick of you making me feel like shit about myself for no reason and I’m sick of everything about you.”

“What does that mean?!”

“It means we’re over. Don’t contact me ever again you fucking asshole.” Phil hangs up and throws his phone to the floor, his chest heaving with breaths like he just ran a mile. He felt scared and anxious. 

Dan rolls onto his side and gently rests his arm across Phil’s chest, “Hey, I’m proud of you.” 

Phil looks at Dan and tries to push the anxiety away. That asshole doesn’t own him, he’s his own person and he just needs to remember that. 

“That wasn’t easy for you, I can tell. I’m really proud of you for dumping him. He doesn’t deserve someone as amazing as you.” Dan smiles sweetly.

Phil gives Dan a shaky smile, “I didn’t realize it was that bad, I should’ve listened to you-“

“No, hey. It’s all his fault, you did nothing wrong.” Dan gently runs his hand along Phil’s bare side calmingly. 

“Still, you were right.” Phil sighs, “I wasted almost four months of my life on him.” 

“But think of it now, now you don’t have to waste another day on him. He’s gone.” 

“Yeah he is.” Phil says, a smile creeping onto his lips, “I really dumped that asshole.” He feels a sense of proudness come over him. 

“You did and I’m so damn proud of you and I love you so much. I’m always gonna be here for you.” 

Phil looks at Dan, holding eye contact for a minute before sighing, “Why do people go and do stupid things to their lives when they already have something perfect in front of them?” 

“Because that’s the thing about humans, they make stupid mistakes to cover things up and make things worse because they are weak and flawed. It happens to all of us.” 

“Well that was rhetorical but-“ 

“I know but I’m an ass sometimes.” Dan giggles. He felt strangely warm and fuzzy. 

They both turn back to the ceiling with soft smiles on their faces. 

Dan speaks up a moment later, “You know I’m in love with you right?” 

He wasn’t scared, he had no reason to be. 

“Wait what?” Phil asks, a breath gets caught in his throat. It’s silent again before Phil sighs, “I’m an idiot.”

“So am I.”

“We’re both fucking idiots.” 

“Well we fucked and we are idiots so I guess that makes us fucking idiots times two.” 

“Shut up!” Phil laughs and nudges Dan. 

“Shutting up is physically impossible for me, Phil. You should know this.” 

“But...” Phil’s mind was cloudy with thought and he felt so damn stupid, “Why couldn’t you have told me that a few months ago?”

“Because I’m a chicken shit.”

“Valid.” Phil breathes out a laugh, “But I was so quick to go get a boyfriend that was the complete opposite of you just to maybe swerve some feelings and I ended up creating my own hell on earth.” 

“You’re in love with me too?”

“Like I said. I’m an idiot.” Phil says, “Humans right?” He nervously laughs, “We do stupid things to cover up things and end up making bigger mistakes than ones we had to begin with.” 

“But-“

“I literally forced myself into a terrible relationship in hopes of ditching real lovey feelings I had for you.” Phil scoffs, seeming to be yelling at himself, “I’m so stupid! Yeah because let’s go date an asshole! That’s gonna make you forget about the cute nice perfect boy you live with!” 

“Phil don’t get mad at yourself, I’ve done the same shit before.” Dan says, “You can’t dwell on it, it’ll bring you down. You just have to continue into the future having learned from your mistakes.” 

“Why did I do this to myself?”

“Bec-“

“If you say ‘because humans’ I’ll shove you.” 

“Sorry.” 

“Okay.” Phil turns to face Dan, “Let’s make a deal.”

Dan looked confused, “A deal?”

“No more assholes, no more big mistakes, let’s just stick together. We don’t need anyone else do we?”

“I guess not.” Dan smiles, “Deal.”

Dan suddenly starts giggling and Phil tilts his head in confusion. 

“What?”

“Here we are naked covered in each other’s sweat, saliva, and semen and we’re having a heart to heart and making deals.” 

Phil shrugs, “Life.”

“Oh this is just life is it?” 

“Life can be weird.” Phil says, “You’re always gonna be there for me right?”

“You shouldn’t even have to ask that.” Dan scoots a bit closer, “Of course I’m always gonna be here for you.” 

“Good because you’re the only person I trust anymore.” Phil sighs, “In this world of humanly humans everyone just sucks.” 

“I need that phrase on a poster.” Dan says making Phil chuckle and roll his eyes. 

“What’s next?” Phil asks.

The question was vague but Dan understood. 

“Well nobody knows. Life’s gonna keep going and we have no clue what’ll really happen.” Dan says, “But one things for sure, I’m here to ride the wave of life with you.” 

“Wave of life.” Phil snorts, laughing at Dan before his expression suddenly softens. He grabs Dan’s hand and tangles their fingers together.

“Well let’s just see where life takes us.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Like I said this fic is based heavily on the song “fuck away the pain” by divide the day! Go have a listen!
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated, ily all <3


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